


Good Riddance

by Yekith



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Drama, Frerard, Heartbreak, M/M, Romance, teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-24
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:45:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yekith/pseuds/Yekith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After two years, Frank is finally ready to get over it. But in order to do that, he needs to relive the past one last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea while listening to Green Day's "Good Riddance (time of your life)" It was going to be a very short one-shot and then ended up in this. 
> 
> IMPORTANT!: The ***** means a separation between present and past, hopefully you'll figure it out anyway since the verb tense also changes but...just in case. Parts completely in italics are direct flashbacks in the form of dialogs (or letters, but that will be obvious)

_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road,  
time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.  
So make the best of this test and don't ask why,  
it's not a question but a lesson learned in time.  
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life..._

When the wedding invitation arrived three weeks ago, Frank had nearly destroyed his room. He ripped off the curtains, knocked off the dresser sending everything on it to the floor, threw his bed sheets and covers out of the window and stabbed his pillow. Leaving his mother to wonder what had gotten into him, he then walked out of the house to go get wasted.  


It'd been two years since he last had an anger fit like that. It was bound to happen eventually, and that invitation had been the perfect trigger. That, and the little note that came with it.  


_"Dear Frankie: I know we haven't talked in two years, and I can also imagine how much I hurt you back then (reason why I didn't dare visit you while home anymore), but this is a very important moment in my life and I'd love to share it with you. I still consider you my best friend. I hope you found someone to love too, and were able to forgive me after all this time. I've missed you...see you soon? -Gerard."_

For two years Frank had played it cool. He told everybody that he was fine, that he'd expected it anyway so it wasn't a surprise. He went to college not far from home; got lost in his psychology books to keep his mind occupied, but would often end up trying to figure out Gerard's. He didn't tell anyone how he felt, though. He saved it for himself because he was too proud to admit that he couldn't forget him, couldn't forgive him, couldn't let him go.

Soon his head had been too crowded to retain anything else; so he quit college, found a crappy job at a supermarket and joined a local band. Singing his heart out and beating the shit out of his guitar helped release some tension, but he still felt lost in his own bubble. His interaction with people was minimal -limited to his close friends. He'd unconsciously built a wall around him that stopped him from getting too close to anyone. Gerard had been his first and only, he had never even kissed again.

But Frank's fake coolness of two years had been shot dead by the contents of that simple white envelope, the one he had torn to pieces together with the stupid yellow note. The invitation, however, had survived his emotional tsunami. It'd gotten lost among the clothes, papers, broken glass and several other things scattered through the floor that evening. It had been waiting for him in his cleaned up room, neatly placed atop his restored dresser when he returned home the next morning with the worst hangover ever.

He wasn't able to throw it away, maybe because he needed it to remind him that it was time to close that chapter; to face the past and go on with his life. He had taken the first step that same day, when he called his friend Bob and told him the whole story. Bob didn't give any opinion; he just listened and let Frank hug him and cry on his shoulder for as long as needed. Frank felt much lighter after that.

************

Now it's the day of the wedding -the hour too- and Frank is staring at the invitation for the first time in three weeks. This time he doesn't feel any rage, just resignation. It's a simple glossy rectangle of paper with fancy silver letters and cheesy lines -all that framed by delicate flowery patters. It's teasing him, but he can't allow it to succeed, not again.

Something else had made it out of his breakdown alive, and stands frameless but proud on a shelf. Two pairs of happy eyes -a 12 year-old Frankie's and a 15 year-old Gerard's- stare back at him, encouraging him. Frank clutches the big red box in his arms tighter and walks towards his bed.  


There are lots of things inside the box, all related to Frank and Gerard. Half of it is filled with photographs, letters and little gifts from the first three years of their relationship. Three years of deep friendship and innocent love.  


Frank can't pinpoint the exact moment when they became more than friends, but it had been some time in between the 7th and 8th year of school for him -about two years after they first met.

************

Gerard was aware that Frank was very young, and he wasn't much older himself, so they wouldn't try to go too far. Minus the classes, they would spend the whole days together; talking, laughing, listening to music and singing along, chasing each other, stealing kisses behind trees or in their rooms. Adults didn't seem to suspect anything or if they did, they found what they had too pure and adorable to interfere.

************

The other half of the box holds the bittersweet part of their story, a slow and gradual goodbye that Frank refused to recognize as such until it was too late; the one he now needs to relive.

On top of the pile is a photograph that Mikey had taken the day his brother -Gerard- left for college. Gerard is hugging Frank from behind, chin resting on his shoulder. Both of them are trying to smile, but the smiles don't reach their eyes -which are glassy and puffy from crying for hours.

************

Frank tried to be brave, he knew it was the best for his boyfriend. Gerard had exhaustively looked for alternatives that wouldn't force him to live so far away from home, but every opportunity -except for that one- had failed. Frank understood, yet it hurt, the moment had come right when their relationship was slowly maturing. And he still had three years of high school ahead...

_"I'll come home at least four times a year, I promise. And we'll do something special every time, so you'll have good memories to keep you entertained until the next one."_

_"Four times a year is not enough..."_

_"I know, Frankie, just for three years, okay? When you turn 18 then we'll see..."_

_"Okay, I love you..."_

_"I love you too, baby, you'll be always on my mind..."_

************

Frank's fingers work fast as he browses through the numerous letters Gerard had sent him during the first months apart from each other. Of course they'd also talk on the phone a lot, send text messages or use MSN when Gerard could get to a computer; but old-school letters were their thing. Letters held a more special feeling to them, and they were also where they dared say those things they were too shy to express through any other medium.

In between the letters, there are random pieces of paper with the silly drawings Frank would doodle while on the phone with Gerard. They are embarrassing, but he had wanted a souvenir from that hopelessly-in-love kid he used to be. The older Frank now giggles at them and shakes his head.

He rummages through all kinds of objects he kept from Gerard's first visit: funny and romantic pictures, restaurant bills -okay, mostly McDonald's, chocolate wrappers and movie tickets. They had missed each other so much that they wanted to make up for lost time by doing a million things a day, so it was hard to think of _one_ special memory. Frank's eyes set instead on an item from Gerard's winter visit that same first year.

It's a piece of cast, yellowed and dirty, but he can still see what had been drawn on it: a cartoon version of Gerard, on his knees and with his hands together like praying, his mouth contorted in a dramatic fashion. Inside of a dialog cloud it reads "I'M SORRY!!!". A corner of the cast had been perforated, a golden string with five sleighbells hanging from the hole.

************

During the first two days of that visit Frank barely saw Gerard. He had told him to be patient because he was working on a surprise. That information only made Frank super curious, so he'd call the other's house all the time to beg for a hint, ask if it was ready or declare that he hated surprises so Gerard should just show him it.

When he finally beheld the red sled Gerard had built, he wasn't able to contain his happiness. It was so perfect -with bells attached everywhere and rows of painted mistletoe leaves and berries- that he literally squealed, tackled Gerard and kissed him all over.

They didn't wait long to get on the sled, Gerard taking the reins with Frank sitting in front of him, a look of glee as he glanced ahead from the top of the small snowed hill. Mikey pushed them and they went down screaming, with a mix of fear and amusement. The first half of the slide was a success, but they had been too excited to remember to previously check the slope for obstacles. A big rock caused the sledge to stop violently, sending both boys flying forward. After the initial shock they began to laugh, and it took a while for Gerard to notice that Frank's tears weren't just of laughter.

_"F-frankie, are you hurt?"_

_"Yeah, my leg hurts like f-fuck but...OH MY GOD, THAT WAS FUN! How about you?"_

_"I'm fine, don't worry, can you walk?"_

_"Uh...nope, I think it's broken. FUCK! Now I won't be allowed to ride the sled anymore!"_

_"That...that's all you care about?"_

_"And what else? We only r-rode it once! Ouch..."_

_"But...YOUR LEG IS BROKEN! Oh my God, oh my Good look at it...it's bent all weird! Fuck...I'm sorry, Frankie, I didn't want you to get hurt I...OH MY GOD..."_

_"Can you stop freaking out and help me stand and get inside?"_

_"Oh...I...okay, okay. Fuck I'm so, so sorry..."_

_"...and stop apologizing, Gee, it was fucking awesome!"_

Gerard didn't stop apologizing. He kept doing it all the way to the hospital as Frank's mom drove them, then also while the doctor checked Frank's leg and made him cry, and even more so when he saw a nurse rolling him back to them with a cast up to his knee.

Ridden with guilt -even though no one had blamed him, Gerard settled in Frank's house -only going back to his for Christmas- and proclaimed himself his servant. He'd carry him everywhere, hand him everything he needed, help him bath and keep him entertained with books, movies and video games.

Having to sit still was the worst torture in the world to Frank, so he appreciated the company, although Gerard could get a little annoying sometimes with his exaggerated helpfulness and the never-ending apologies. He'd insisted on carrying Frank even after he was allowed to step on the cast. Frank _tried_ to protest, but had to admit that he loved the attention, the closeness and the kisses he got while being transported through the house.

He missed Gerard more than ever when he had to leave after the holidays.

************

As the memories from that first year accumulate on the bed beside him, Frank smiles at the next thing in sight: a rather big daisy inside of a thin, transparent box.

He'd kept it in between the pages of his history book for two months -it had to be good for something- before buying it a resting place that could preserve its beauty and importance. The moment attached to it was simple, nonetheless magical.

************

It was spring and the day was unusually warm for April when Gerard picked Frank up for lunch. He knew Gerard loved to play secretive to enervate him, so he resigned as soon as he figured out he wouldn't be getting any answers.

It puzzled Frank to see that they drove past the commercial part of town -where all the restaurants were, then even beyond the city limits and into the wooded area. Curiosity took over again and the questions didn't wait to make a comeback, but no response was needed when Gerard stopped the car and got a portable fridge out of the trunk. Frank instantly shut up and grinned.

The clearing among the trees that his boyfriend had chosen was a perfect spot and they'd gotten there at the perfect time, the sun shinning in the exact middle of it. All the flowers that didn't appreciate the dense shadow casted by those green giants bloomed proudly inside their private circle of light.

They ate in silence; only communicating through love stares, short kisses, mutual feeding and satisfied sighs. They wanted to enjoy the sounds of nature, and they preferred to avoid conversations that might remind them of Gerard having to leave again soon. They were together there and then, and that was all that mattered.

Lying on the grass and feeling full and calm, Frank had closed his eyes and was about to fall asleep when something nearly knocked the air off his lungs. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes -and his mouth to protest- was a daisy, right in front of his nose. Behind it -and straddling Frank- was Gerard, smiling like a fool.

_"Sorry, I just couldn't help diving on you. I thought you couldn't be any prettier, but the combination of food, sunlight and happiness seems to have done the trick! Uh, Frankie...did I tell you that I fucking love you a fucking lot?"_

_"Yes, you did. And did I tell you that you're fucking cheesy but I fucking adore it 'cause it's fucking you?"_

_"What's fucking me?"_

_"Uh?"_

_"You said something was fucking me..."_

_"No I didn't..."_

The playful argument went on for a while, their laughter scaring the birds away until it quieted down once their lips found something better to do. Their fingers laced together held the daisy as a symbol of their love, and it ended up behind Frank's ear when it was time to go back home.

************

Discarding some more letters on his quilt, Frank pauses to open a can of beer he'd grabbed earlier. While taking a sip, he contemplates a plastic bag full of Coke lids. They symbolically represent the hundreds they consumed during the summer in between Gerard's first and second years of college.

************

Frank would often beg Gerard to buy them some beer, but the other always said he wasn't going to initiate him into alcohol drinking and then leave. Therefore they'd only get drunk on Coke, completely high on sugar and caffeine to the point of laughing at the mere air. It was fun to make people think they were on drugs when it was so far from the truth.

************

"In a way...you eventually kinda did what you didn't want to do, Gerard..." Frank chuckles darkly, drinking some more beer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Good Riddance, part 2**

Frank's bitterness is chased away once again when he sees a concert ticket. Not any concert ticket but his _first_ one.

************

Gerard wasn't as big of a fan of The Bouncing Souls, but he knew they were Frank's favorite band. Frank hadn't even heard of that show yet when his boyfriend arrived with the tickets, so it was a _huge_ surprise. Gerard had even convinced his mom behind his back, promising he'd take care of her son and bring him home safe and sound afterwards.

It was a night Frank would never be able to forget. He could not only hear the music; he _felt_ it with his whole body, it beat together with his heart, it was inside his head. Listening to the CDs, no matter how big or good the stereo, could never compare to the live experience. The power, the lights, the heat, the sweat. So many people jumping, screaming, singing and dancing to the same music; watching those same guys Frank admired so much play.

And then there had been Gerard. Sharing that night with him, that moment that he _knew_ was only the first of many similar ones, made it even more unforgettable.

_"I LOVE YOU, GEE!"_

_"WHAT?"_

_"I LOVE YOU!"_

_"WASN'T I THE CHEESY ONE?"_

_"WHAT?"_

_"THAT YOU SAY I'M THE CHEESY ONE!"_

_"FUCK YOU, I'M HAPPY!"_

_"YOU WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, FRANKIE!"_

_"KISS ME!"_

_"WHAT?"_

Frank gave up on communicating with words; the music was too loud and actions spoke better. He managed to turn his small body in the tight space left between the barrier and the rest of the crowd, face Gerard and stand on his tiptoes to kiss him. Gerard made things easier by lifting him, and as Frank wrapped his legs around his waist the kiss deepened. The band cheered for them as 'Hopeless Romantic' was ending, and for weeks after that night Frank kept telling everybody how The Bouncing Souls had dedicated the remaining songs to them. _"Greg said we were the bravest kids in the crowd!"_ , he'd repeat.

As if that night had kick started a new phase in their relationship, all their kisses got longer and more passionate after it. For Gerard's next visit, hands were more willing to roam, shy caresses turned into needy strokes and cuddling would often end up in heated make out sessions and sticky underwear. To Frank, all those changes were a little bit awkward and wholly breathtaking, but overall awesome. His hormones were all over the place and he was afraid he'd explode before he could see Gerard again.

Gerard's letters had showed him that he felt the same way. There was still a lot of humor and cheesiness in them, but a few lustful remarks and sexual promises had been added to their usual mailing. Their phone calls weren't what they used to be either.

************

Frank can't help but blush now at said letters. He doesn't think this is the best moment to bring back those kind of memories, but it's all part of the past he needs to relive one last time before he leaves it all behind; just as 'Thingy'.

Thingy is a plushie but, as its named indicates, an undefined one. It's purple, with big eyes and smile, no ears and five appendices that don't exactly resemble those of any being you could think of.

************

Gerard won Thingy on his second spring visit, knocking down cans with a little rubber ball at an amusement park. Frank said it was a monster from outer space. Gerard argued that it was just a happy amoeba. It was definitely ugly, that was something they agreed on. However, as it happens with all objects attached to very special memories, it would later become beautiful to Frank.

Both boys were eager to try all the rides -the more challenging and frightening the better. To be honest, none of them had ever ridden roller-coasters that big before, or been on those giant free-falling simulators and other torture-device looking machines; but they weren't afraid in the slightest. They had _sworn_ to try them all.

Frank's weak stomach, however, had other plans. By their second ride he started to feel awful. He regretted having eaten lunch earlier and even the ice cream he'd had fifteen minutes before, as he felt it all rise up to his throat. He was thankful that he could hold it until the end and didn't make a mess all over himself and Gerard. He felt better after that, though, and insisted that they should continue with their original plan.

They did so for while -Frank even managing to enjoy the rides; their hands grasping metal bars together as they screamed, scared but thrilled and wanting more. Some races to the trash cans -when he'd make it- did the trick temporarily. It was when Gerard mentioned that Frank looked as green as the Yoshi on his t-shirt that he admitted defeat and they decided it had been enough of defying gravity.

They spent the rest of the night playing carnival games -mostly laughing at their bad luck and aim, and later eating candy and kissing on the ferris wheel once Frank's stomach had settled.

Frank's house was dark when Gerard escorted him there like he had promised Mrs. Iero. He kissed him good night and was about to leave, but Frank suddenly said he had something he wanted him to see in his room. They tiptoed through the first floor, up the stairs and into the bedroom, where the door quickly closed behind them.

In reality, Frank had nothing to show his boyfriend, and Gerard seemed to forget his reason to be there as soon as Frank fell back on the bed dragging him on top.  


_"Stay tonight,"_ Frank said in between kisses.  


_"Frankie I...I don't think I should..."_

_"Oh come on, my parents know about us by now, they're obviously ok with it_ _..."_

_"Still, I don't think they'd be happy with me sleeping with you under the same roof..."_

_"Their room is downstairs on the other side of the house, they won't hear us."_

_"That's not the p..."_

_"Please?"_

_"Okay, okay..."_

_"Yay!"_

_"Uh...Frankie?"_

_"Mmm?"_

_"Can you turn Thingy around? It's like it's watching us..."_

_"Nope, it likes watching, it told me, Thingy's a pervy little monster from outer space."_

_"Amoeba. A pervy amoeba."_

That night was Frank's first time -and also Gerard's, at least going by his word. They hadn't planned it, they'd never really talked about it seriously or discussed how they wanted it to be. But they were too euphoric, they'd had too much sugar, it was so hot in Frank's room and just knowing they shouldn't do it there only made them want it more.

It was far from perfect and magical. Frank had been too scared, both had been too nervous and tense. It was messy, clumsy and rather uncomfortable. Most of all it had hurt quite a lot, since they weren't even prepared for it and had to go with what they found. The last seconds made it all worth it nevertheless, when all pain and tenseness was pushed aside by ecstasy.

Afterwards Frank felt sore and exhausted, but definitely loved. Gerard strove to make him comfy, cleaning him up with a cool wet cloth and kissing, caressing and cuddling him to sleep.

************

More than three years later and on the same bed, Frank wipes the sweat out of his forehead and runs a hand through his dark pink fauxhawk -newly cut and dyed. Tears have gathered in his eyes, threatening to fall; but he blinks rapidly, takes a deep breath and gulps down a generous amount of beer.

"Come on, Frank, let's do this till the end..."

There's something small but bulkier than paper inside of an envelope that reads 'Last Summer'. Frank knows what it is and smiles fondly -with only a trace of sadness- as he fishes a wine stopper out of it and smells it. Yes, surprisingly the aroma still lingers on.

************

Frank's parents had gone out that night, and Gerard convinced his of doing the same. He hadn't told them he just wanted the house for Frank and himself, but suspected his mom had probably guessed it. Only that could explain the smirk and the "Behave, I don't think we'll be back until morning..." she'd given him as she crossed the door.

It was too hot to stay inside, so the two boys ate something not too heavy and spent all the time by the pool. They weren't exactly innovative when it came to thinking of what to do with their free time alone, but they figured no couple their age was, so they just enjoyed themselves.

When it was almost ten, Gerard told Frank to wait while he went into the house. Distracted as he was by the light reflecting on the water that he agitated with his bare feet, the sudden lips on his neck startled Frank. Gerard was quick to jump back and prevent the flailing arms from spilling the two glasses of wine he was holding.

_"Aww, sorry, Gee! You just scared the shit out of me..."_

_"It's okay, baby, no damage done! Shouldn't have sneaked up on you like that, anyway, so I'm the one who's sorry."_

_"Is that wine I see? Haven't you always said you don't want to initiate me into alcohol drinking and then leave?"_

_"Well yeah...but this is a special occasion, just 'cause I say so. And even if you liked this wine a lot and wanted to find more when I'm gone...you wouldn't be able to."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"My grandpa makes it, I stole this bottle from his basement last time I was there."_

_"Oh...! So...what are we celebrating?"_

_"Mmm...let me think...uh...oh I know! We're celebrating that you have only one year left of high school! Then you'll be all mine."_

_"Are you planning to kidnap me, Mister Way?"_

_"Maybe...maybe..."_   


Honestly, Frank didn't like the wine. Gerard had said he shouldn't feel obliged to drink it, that he could have Coke instead, but Frank wasn't going to act like a little baby. He finished the first glass before Gerard did, although only because the other boy was too busy laughing at his wrinkled face. By the second glass, he began to enjoy the warm feeling and the light-headness the wine gave him, and the flavor became something unimportant. 

He didn't know at which moment Gerard had turned on the music, but they ended up dancing very close to each other. Frank prayed that Gerard wouldn't notice that his hyper-clinginess was in part due to him being afraid of falling down. His equilibrium was messed up.  


They made love again that night -on a mattress near the pool, and it was so much better than their first time. Frank was slightly drunk and giddy, Gerard not that much since he was more used to drinking and they'd only had one bottle. The two were lucid enough to know they wanted it, and Gerard had brought what was needed to make it pleasurable for them both. When it was over, they moved to the pool steps for some calm hugging and kissing, the cool water cleaning and refreshing them.

************

The can of beer is nearly empty, and Frank places the stopper back into its envelope, still smiling. For two years that memory had been a difficult one, since it was the second but also last time they made love. Today, for once, he's been able to bring it back and only think of it as what it'd really been: a beautiful, perfect night. No matter what came later, no matter how their story ended.

Not much is left inside the box, and Frank reaches to the bottom of it to retrieve a round, flat snail shell. He turns it upside down and reads the "F + G" written with red permanent marker.

************

Fall break was short, and Gerard's grandparents had asked to see him. He paid them a visit and stayed with them for a couple of days before going home, which left him and Frank with less time together. They had been studying hard and didn't get to think of something really special to do those few days, so they basically just hung out.

They didn't make love because their moments alone felt rushed and they didn't like it that way, but their bodies still called for each other. There were new kinds of first times involved during their escapades to the beach, right before the sunset. It was after the last one, while sitting on the cold sand watching the stars take the pinkish sky, that Frank had picked up the shell. It was the most eye-catching, having ochre and black patterns instead of being plain white like the ones surrounding it. Gerard observed it from over Frank's shoulder before taking it and scrabbling something on it with the marker he'd always carry in a pocket of his jacket.

_"Here you are, I improved it."_

_"Oh my, Gerard, you're the biggest cliché! You know that, right?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but you love me. Want it more cliché?"_

_"...I'm not sure..."_

_"Your eyes tell me you do..."_

_"Traitors. Ok, bring it on."_

_"This shell is beautiful but tough, like our love. Most people would think it's just like any other love, but that's only because they're not looking close enough."_

_"You definitely have a talent for cheesiness...and I love you."_

_"And I love you, little one. Want more?"_

_"Maybe later, now kiss me."_

_"No problem, that's another one of my talents...although I must admit you're good competence."_

_"I try."_


	3. Chapter 3

With a few photographs in his hands, Frank laughs softly. Six boys -one being himself- are sitting on a couch, making stupid faces to the camera. In one photo, his old schoolmate Matt -thankfully just as small as him- is spread across their laps. He had landed like that trying to get into the picture before the camera timer went off. In the next two, Frank and Mikey had obviously been the last ones to arrive respectively. _"Let the smaller ones set the camera, they'll make themselves fit quicker"_ , James had told Gerard -who owned the device.  


It's the last picture that has Frank staring at it for several minutes. It's so funny, so special, yet at the same time so sad if he thinks about it. He's sitting on Gerard's lap in the middle of the couch, his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders as they kiss. Behind them, Mikey and Ray are rolling their eyes and holding signs. Ray's says: "Public Display of Affection that we always have to deal with" and Mikey's: "Can you tell we're not amused?" 

They had been joking, of course, so that's not the part of the visual memory causing those mixed emotions in Frank. Everything would be great about the photograph is that wasn't the closest to Gerard Frank had been during that winter. They had kissed like that some other times, or they'd cuddle on the couch while watching movies. The problem was that they had always been with the other guys while doing it.  


************

It's not like every time Gerard visited they'd spend it all by themselves; that would have been rude and selfish since his friends missed him too. What's more, the guys were also Frank's friends, so they had a lot of fun together. However, Gerard and Frank would always have their alone days -or nights. It was only logical for a couple, right? Well, it didn't happen that winter. Gerard purposely _avoided_ being alone with Frank. He admitted it when Frank was finally able to corner him in Ray's kitchen.

_"Gee...why don't you want to be alone with me?"_

_"It's...it's not that, Frank..."_

_"Don't bullshit me. You haven't invited me anywhere, rejected all of my ideas and just insist that we hang out with the guys. You know I don't mind but...what about us, Gerard? What did I do? Are you mad at me or something?"_

_"What? No Frankie, I swear it's not that! I do want to be with you, it's just..."_

_"I'm not getting you..."_

_"I just think that we always get too close every time I visit, we spend so much time together that then it's harder to be far away from each other again. It'll be easier this way..."_

_"That doesn't make sense...we've done this for two and a half years already! I'm 18, Gee, not a fucking kid anymore. I'll be out of high school rather soon. Why do you come up with this now? T-tell me the truth...what are you hiding?"_

_"It's...f-fuck, please don't cry... I swear I'm not hiding anything from you, baby, I love you. I just thought it'll be easier for you to concentrate in school, you know? Haven't you told me you're too distracted after I leave each time?"_

_"Yeah, but..."_

_"It's the final effort, Frankie. You need to do good in school so then you'll be free to decide on your future..."_

_"Our future...you promised to kidnap me."_

_"I didn't promise, I said I might..."_

_"Whatever."_

_"So...you agree?"_

_"Not really, but maybe you're right..."_

_"Let's give it a try? We can still kiss and hug..."_

_"Okay. But if this stupid idea of yours doesn't help my concentration, I get some 'us' time in spring, no fucking excuses."_

_"Deal!"_

Frank's concentration at school didn't get much better. He still couldn't get Gerard out of his head, and the lack of recent strong memories together made him miss his boyfriend even more. But in spite of the deal -which he'd reminded Gerard of on the phone, Frank got no 'them' time. And not only that; he got _no Gerard_ at all in spring. He called a week before the break to let Frank know that he had a lot of work to do for college, therefore would be using those free days to get together with some classmates. He sounded mortified, and promised Frank to make up for it during summer, when they'd have a lot of time to be together.

************

Frank sighs, looking at where those spring memories should have been. There are no letters from around those times either.

************

He had sent Gerard two letters telling him about some funny anecdotes from school and relating their friends' -and his brother's- last stupid adventures, hoping it would help him relax after studying; but he never got an answer. He assumed Gerard was very busy and didn't insist.

The phone conversations also felt weird. Gerard sounded cold to Frank, reserved. There were no laughs, no random cheesy lines or sexual insinuations. It felt methodical, routine. Gerard, of course, denied that there was anything wrong, so Frank put his strange behavior down to stress. A few more months, that's all he had to wait.

It was hard to leave all worries aside, but Frank succeeded. He did what Gerard had advised and set his mind exclusively on finishing school. He worked twice as hard to excel in all the finals and improve all of his grades. He was still far from the best students in his class, but graduated with pretty good scores.

He had been accepted to two universities. One was in the same city as Gerard's -and a very decent choice too. The other was an excellent local one. Frank had perfectly clear what he wanted to do, but his mom insisted that he didn't rush to choose, just in case. _"Wait until you can see Gerard and talk to him,"_ she had said. She probably presaged something...

************

There's only one thing left on that bittersweet side of the box, and it's a simple piece of paper; the sole remnant of what was once a letter. Frank has always wondered why he even kept that little segment, and now he has an answer. He needed a physical reminder of that moment just like he needed one of all the previous memories. He needed something to look at while evoking that day for the last time.

His beer is lukewarm by now but he finishes it anyway -his hands are trembling with nerves and it's all he has within reach.

************

Frank had been desperately waiting for that special Sunday to come, the one when Gerard would be back home, the first day of another summer and -hopefully- a life together. Time couldn't go any slower. The anxiety was easier to manage while hanging out with his friends, but once he was alone in his room it'd drive him up the walls.

With only one week of suffering left, Frank got mail. It surprised him to see it was from Gerard, but figured he had heard the desperation in the last message he'd left on his answering machine and wanted to make the wait easier. Both loved letters, after all.

Frank could have never expected what was inside that envelope, and it changed all his plans for the future.

************

The piece of paper doesn't burn in his hand like it used to. It's just paper and ink; ashes from a past he should have buried long ago. He can't remember all that was written in that long, kindly cruel letter, probably because of that one part that jumped to slap him in the face right away -the part he does remember, word by word. Nothing else mattered after that.

_"Dear Frank: I don't really know how to start. I shouldn't even be telling you this through a letter, but I'm a coward. This is one of those situations in which I wouldn't be able to find the words if I didn't do it this way. And I also don't have the heart or the guts to say what I'm gonna say to you in person. Not now, not after all we shared. I couldn't stand to see your face while I break your heart. Yes, that's what I'm going to do I'm sure, and believe me when I tell you this hurts me just as much. I...met someone else. I denied my feelings and didn't do anything about it for a long time because I loved you. I still do, our love is not something that can just die, only turn into a different kind of love. But I can't lie to you -or to myself- anymore, I'm in love with her. I'm sorry, Frankie..."_

The letter went on. Frank knows there was something about them having been too young when they got together, too naive; about how they'd never had the chance to experiment, be single teenagers. He thinks it also included Gerard needing some time before being able to face him, asking him to not look for him. There were probably one million "I'm sorries", but none of that had mattered to Frank; he'd lost the ability to comprehend what he read after the "I'm in love with her". Gerard had broken his heart indeed, murdered it with those few words. The rest was senseless filler.

************

After crying, screaming, cursing and turning his room upside down, Frank sent Gerard a reply. He wrote it in huge capital letters, with the same red permanent marker Gerard had forgotten the previous winter.

_"Dear Gerard: FUCK YOU. -Frank"_

************

Those were the last words Frank had said to Gerard, two years ago. That letter had been the last he heard of Gerard until three weeks back, when that invitation arrived to ruin his precarious fake toughness.

All the rage, the deep pain, the chocking grudge are gone now, though. Frank can think clearly, he can accept, he can maybe forgive.

Right in that moment the door bell rings. Frank knows who it is, and is thankful that he'd gotten ready before he embarked on that trip to the past. On his way out of the room, he surprises himself grabbing the wedding invitation and smiling faintly at it. He can hardly believe it when he takes conscience that he actually means the words that leave his mouth next.

"Congratulations, Gee. I hope you had the time of your life."

The first thing Frank gets from Bob as soon as he opens the door is a snort, to which he raises an eyebrow, questioningly.

"What the fuck did you do to your hair, Iero? You look like a pink cockatoo..."

"Why thank you, Bryar! I just...needed a change..." Frank trails off, still emotionally moved by all the recollections.

"Hey! Hey..." Bob guides Frank's chin up, looking into his eyes. "I was joking, it's kind of funny but I actually like it. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I've been just rummaging through some old stuff and..."

"Oh, I think I can guess." Bob is watching him with concern, almost studying him. "Come here, give me a hug."

Frank complies; and as Bob wraps his strong arms around him, he orders himself not to cry. Bob gives the best hugs, the kind that prompt you to release everything you were holding up inside and then comfort you. But Frank doesn't want to cry anymore. He might have been left extremely sensitive, but he's fine, he finally is. He just needs to be held, like a wordless reassurance that he will _stay_ fine.

"Frankie...have you been drinking again?" Bob asks without letting go of him, his chin resting on top of Frank's head while a hand rubs his back

Frank looks up slowly, fearing to see disappointment, but there's only that same concern on Bob's face. "No I...I just had a can of beer, that's all. It's so hot, and I needed some encouragement to do something and...I swear Bob, I haven't been drinking much at all..."

"Well, you certainly don't look drunk right now, so I believe you. Not so sure you're telling me the _whole_ truth, though. And I smell something else..." Bob glares at him. It's half serious, half playful and Frank groans.

"Boooob! I took a shower a couple of hours ago and haven't even smoked a normal cigarette since then! The smell must have stuck to my clothes, dunno. Sorry, I know you don't like it..."

"That's not the problem, really. I know it's no big deal, it's not like you're doing coke -hope not! But I still wish you didn't smoke that crap, you're gonna fry your neurons, boy." Bob runs an affectionate hand through Frank's brand new hair, trying to fix what he previously messed up when they hugged.

"Bob..." Frank sighs loudly. "...I don't smoke enough pot to fry my fucking neurons, I just need it to kill my anxiety sometimes, it helps me. Some people take pills for that, don't they? Well, those are drugs too. My 'medicine' is more natural, thank you very much. But, see? Even if I could have used some help to relax today, I didn't smoke any because I knew you'd come."

"Oh...thanks. And okay, I do see your point, I just worry about you, that's all. I always have. Since the first time I talked to you in college I knew something wasn't right, it's like you were permanently fighting with yourself."

"You noticed?" Frank asked surprised. "You never said anything..."

"I assumed it was one of those things that you only talk about when you're ready, you gave me that vibe and I didn't want to force you. I hoped one day you'd tell me, took you long enough." Bob shows a sad smile, embracing Frank again.

"Thank you, I certainly wasn't ready to bring it up earlier."

"Frank?"

"Yes?"

"Before I arrived...you were thinking about Gerard, weren't you? I _do_ remember the wedding is today, and I know that's the reason why you want to go out," Bob reveals.

"Yeah. It's...it's hard, you know? But I went through all of our memories for the last time and..." Frank stops when he becomes aware of how close Bob's face is from his. He has known him for two years, yet he has never seen those clear blue eyes gaze at him so intently. Or maybe he's never paid enough attention. It's like Bob is trying to tell him something without actually voicing it.

"It's time to move on, Frankie, Gerard didn't deserve you," he says softly, as if speaking any louder could break the calm atmosphere surrounding them. The words, however, awake something deep inside Frank. They didn't sound right, they didn't match his conclusions.

"No." Frank pushes Bob away. Not rudely, only the necessary to emphasize what he had to state, to put some distance between them and get his attention. "It's not like that. Gerard _did_ deserve me, just like I deserved him. We deserved each other as friends since we met, and we did as boyfriends for the six years we were together. I was _so_ fucking happy with him. Gerard was nothing but great to me while it lasted and I _know_ I made him happy too. Those were the best -in total- eight years of my life and I wouldn't give them up for anything. People change, life changes some of us and our feelings, that's all. But no matter how our story ended it was worth it, it was worth all the while."

He had expected Bob to get annoyed with his speech, maybe misinterpreting it and thinking he was still too attached to Gerard's memory, in denial. His friend does tend to act like his overprotective dad sometimes, or at least his big brother -even though he's only one year older. However, Frank is proved wrong when, after blinking several times to make sure his eyes are not deceiving him, he continues to see the same image in front of his eyes: Bob is smiling widely with what seems to be pride.

"Well...that's even better, Frankie! I'm so fucking proud of hearing you talk like this, seriously. Not many people are able to separate things like you did and speak so well of a person who hurt them. It's admirable. It sounds like you have things clear, and I'm glad. Now when Gerard comes to your mind you can think of those good memories and leave the sadness and heartbreak behind."

"Yep, that's what I'm determined to do, and after today I'm sure it will work. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life!" Frank raises his index finger solemnly. Bob chuckles and gets closer again, those tranquil blue eyes set on him, the weird feeling returning. It's a positive anxiety.

"And I'll be more than happy to be part of that new chapter." With that, Bob leans down and kisses Frank's cheek softly and lovingly, dangerously close to the corner of his mouth yet not quite there. Hinting that he would love to, but respecting the other's times. Frank thanks the respectful and patient gesture in silence, giving Bob an identical kiss. Mutual understanding floats in the air and the two boys' eyes shine.

"Well, we better get going," Bob says casually.

"Yeah..."

"Oh, and before I forget...you're going back to uni this fall."

"What? How...?" Frank is about to inquire, but a palm is pressed over his mouth and he's pushed towards the open door.

"We'll talk about it some other day and you can thank me then if needed. Now it's summer, and we're gonna have fun, okay?"

"Okay!"  


"Good." Bob grins, offering Frank a hand that he takes without a doubt. 

Frank could have never predicted this, but right now he can't think of a better way to walk into his new life.  


  
_So take the photographs and still frames in your mind,  
hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.  
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial,  
for what it's worth it was worth all the while.  
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life..._


End file.
